"rescue me" by planet shakers

when im alone
the world is such a different place
sometimes its hard to keep
the smile up on my face
it seems like i try so hard
but still i let you down
its taken so long but now there's
one thing that i've found

when everything starts crashing down
and all i know falls to the ground
when darkness comes and i cant see
you're always there to recsue me

just when i think
that i've got it figured out
you open my eyes and let me see
that there's no doubt
that you've got it all
within the power of your hand
it seems like the more i know
the less i understand

when everything starts crashing down
and all i know falls to the ground
when darkness comes and i cant see
you're always there to recsue me
when all my strenght has turned to fear
when i wonder if you're near
when i dont know how to break free
you're always there to rescue me

i wonder if i'll make it through this darkest night
i need to know your strength in me
gonna win this fight
im reaching out
wont you take my hand
show me to the light
i know you're by my side

-i love you, and i always will... im sorry...-

kaekaeis... bored again... so im gonna blog again... haha... im glad everyone likes my new template... kinda cool eh? shld i change the background to pink? haha... wad a pity villagephotos doesnt work anymore.... if not a pic of my guit will be up dere... haha....

sunday woz ok i guess... had to wake up early to go for worship... met jasmine walkin in... so we went up together... den had to wait outside wif leon to wait for ROL to be opened... den went in, and played bass for a while until started worship... worship itself woz ok lah... i woz afraid i would screw up the intro..... cuz during the pract i kinda screwed up a little... oh well... thank God it went well.... haha... pet is so so farnie... she had to slide on the keyboard but she complained that it woz v pain... den in the end we still forced her to slide... den during worship after dhe did the slide she shook her hand as if it woz v pain... 'veen, josh, hanling, joanne n i were laughing like crazy man... super farnie... haha.... worship went well, den had lesson... we ended up driftin away frm the subject a LITTLE bit... haha... unc sin chee n stefan were cracking us up... SUPER farnie... abt firing blanks n stuff... haha... we were laughing like crazy lor... pity one/half of the musketeers wasnt dere... oh well... anyway, "sam" and "chinese church" are two terms dat dun go together... i woz like kinda surprised when he told me he was going to a chinese church... haha... well, din do much except walk ard n stuff... first went to ROL, den had nth to do dere so went to judah... dey were havin drum pract dere, and dere woz no one interestin dere anyway... so went to fellowship deck... also v boring... so i went walking around church thinking abt some stuff... den i came to Thomas were dey were playing table-tennis... so i joined dem.... i din noe i woz DAT good... haha.... but i woz like kinda rusty at the start.... n i screwed up my spin on some parts... but wtvr lah... n dey gave me the super lousy bat which woz probably nothing more than a piece of wood and a pathetic piece of rubber stretched across it which is probably already halfway off... haha... den unc sin chee came... i probably would have fared better against him if i had the better bat... dat pathetic thing i woz holding in my hand is like so horrible dat i cant even counter-spin uncle sin chee... oh well.... got a few points off him anyway... haha... den had to lug my super big guitar bad home in the hot sun in a shirt and long pants.... shaun even tot dat the shirt woz my skool uniform... haha... wtvr....

at ard 4 plus i left for the studio to take my family photo.... u know, the ones where u hav all your relatives n its like super big.... haha.... i look kinda wierd in long sleeves and long pants... plus tie n black shoes!! haha... my bro said i wore myself like a punk... haha... wtvr lah.... only unbotton the 1st button n pull my pants a bit lower den everyone else wad... haha.... both my bro n i did farnie poses durin the casual shot.... haha... den went for dinner wif my family... woz so tired den dat i fell asleep in the car on the way home... haha... den slept early....

today woz like super boring man.... i woz struggling to keep awake during all my lessons... haha.... but yah lah... den went my fren's hse to do hist project, although we din relli get much stuff done... haha... den went home... so sian now man... haha... i tink im gonna play guitar now.... bye guyz...

-i like u... but i dunno how to put it... im sorry...-

my new name is officially "calvin"... haha... explain why later...

everyone keeps talking abt chapt 6... haha... i remember my science teacher let us watch dis video on disgestion, n e heart thingy.... den e ppl in the video were like streching the heart taut n cuttin it up n stuff... den like the scissors din go thro in one cut, so they were like snipping away like crazy to cut it... super sick... haha.... den like dey showed us dis part on which e surgery woz taking place, n like dis guy woz opened up, n dey showed the heart n e stomach n all dat gross stuff... so cool.... and sick... haha...

yest woz ok, jus dat it woz kinda frightening during training... imagine yourself sailing abt 1km out at sea, and its moderate wind... den all of a sudden the wind dies down... aft approx. 5min, a gust hits u, yr boat heels like crazy, close to capsizing, n u only save yr boat in time... all around you, yr frens r capsizing everywhere... den like a 25knot wind starts n like u struggle to keep yr boat flat... den thunder and lightning come... it woz super scary man... my boat heeled like crazy, n i woz like jumpin everywhere to tighten all my sail settings... den my coach told us to head back to shore... while sailing bk my boat like went crazy cuz all the gusts kept hitting us, especially since we where so far out at sea... the wind woz already ard 25knots, n when the gusts hit it became like 30-35knot wind... relli scary... all around us there woz thunder and lightning and it made it even worse... when we finally reached shore, the rain started coming down as hard as hail, and the waves started becomin bigger n bigger.... it woz super hard to recover... lots of ppl ard my capsized their boats when the waves hit... super hard to control... once yr hand slips the wave immediately pushes yr boat back up the beach n like it immediately capsizes... n like the lightning is like super freaky... it comes down freaky near... n the sky, like black like anythin man... oh well... i relli thank God for bringing all my frens back safe n everything...

cuz of the storm, i finished my training early... so i woz also early for worship practice... haha... spent my time playing drums until josh came... so boring bein dere myself man... but at least i got to play drums... haha... ben tot my name woz calvin... everyone woz like laughin like crazy... haha... han ling promised to teach me how to play lead... hes like super good lor... haha... but wtvr lah... den i jus went home n slept....

today woz also ok lah... woke up jus in time for lunch... haha... den aft dat i went to church early.... helped judy move all the chairs n stuff... den played guitar until daniel came, den i played drums while he played guit... haha... ML woz ok, jus dat i woz supposed to lead but i din noe... haha... so i kinda did an impromptu... haha... but it turned out fine in the end... haha...

my bro's mugging now... so hardworking.. haha... im so sian now man... i tink i'll go pract for tmr... ciaoz....

-i love you so much... im missing you like crazy now...-

oh wellz... sian... again? haha... lets see wad happened thro' the week... erm... erm... its kinda wierd... i cant remember wad i did... haha... wait... er...

oh yah... went running on monday... zhao ming called me aft skool when i jus finished bathin at home... ask me to go running... so crazee... i jus finished bathing rite?? oh well... i relented.. wanted to cycle to bedok sports complex but in e end didnt cuz i woz scared my bike would get stolen even if i locked it up... haha.... it cost over a $1000 kay... so went running... met adriel walking up the hill frm tanah merah MRT... persuaded him to come along too... hehe... den zhao ming woz late cuz of some stupid grasshopper story... i tink he made it up as an excuse... oh well... missed our stop, but finally got dere... i totally sucked man.... only got 75 secs for 400m... i woz expectin much better... oh well... mus train more... den aft dat zhao ming woz late for tuition so he rushed off leaving me and adriel to go home together... den went cycling... i accidentally broke the mirror off my bike... im so sad... oh well... now gg to hav to replace it although i dunno how much it will cost and i am jus to lazy to go buy a new one... haha... den stopped by e provision shop to buy a drink den cycled home...

tuesday woz so-so... aft skool dropped by church to play guitar n drums... haha... i cant figure out y abby is so shocked dat i can play drums... haha... but wtvr... cldnt stay v long cuz i din tell my mum i woz in church n she prolly wldnt allow me to stay anyway... haha... halfway walking home my mum called n said my dad wld be fetchin me 2 take me 2 e dentist... cuz i got a tooth kinda put of alignment... haha... so i went... e dentist clean my teeth so pain... got blood... haha... oh well... did mth much aft dat except play guitar.... i cant figure out the bass intro for the song 'all day' in the new united live cd... oh well.... i can only figure out a few notes here n dere... its kinda like a walking bass intro... i cant figure out the notes in between.... n e bassist plucks like super fast lor... oh well... haha...

yest woz boring... as usual... went for training... wind woz ard 10 knots i tink... i perform best in dat type of conditions... won all the races... haha... i hope the inter-school will hav good wind like yest... not like last year where it woz totally super duper light wind... underperform like crazy... oh well.... must do better dis year... den while everyone woz recovering n gg bk to shore, i stayed behing and did a tacking n gybing duel wif my fren... e objective is to be able to tack on top of e person and 'kill' him by blocking his wind... my fren woz an ex-national sailor... super pro lor... we did like 30 tacks in 1 minute... so tired.... den aft dat went bk to shore... aft trg had to go fetch my bro frm ac... fell asleep in the car... haha....

today.... sian as usual... came home n did nth except play guitar and more guitar... haha... so sian... oh well.... my bro's sleepin on my bed again... sigh.... but nvm larh... im super behind time in my homewirk... i hav assignments in my bag dat are supposed to be handed up last monday... haha... shows how lazy i am... n im also growing darn fat... haha.....

buaiz

-i love you, more than life....-

im back.
finally.
i should be happy rite?
i mean, its like i get to msg n be wif my frens n all dat stuff rite?
no.
strangely i dun feel happy at all.
mebbe remorseful is the word.
no.
mebbe distraught is.
no.
kay i'll just stick to sad.
but y m i sad?
cant find the answer.
mebbe its the smth i realised when lying in my bed at the JW Marriott hotel in Phuket.
its relli been killing me since then.
worse still, i cant find the solution to it.
oh well.
anyway, i've been thinking a lot abt God n stuff.
n i now feel the urge to jus go out and scream just how good he is to me.
in spite of everything.
n i've found the rite person already.
pray for me guyz.
thanks.
oh well.
skool starts tomorrow.

bye guyz.

-anyone around can see, just how good you've been to me.for all my friends who don't know you, i pray that you would save them too...-

kay kay... back... bored again... oh well...

tuesday.
cant relli remember wad i did... hmm... oh yah... went to church to jam i tink... haha... had lotsa fun... played like crazy... kinda cool... ivee, jolencia, stefan, jon kok, 'driel n 'veen were dere.... had lotsa fun... i tink im gettin like relli good on the drums man... haha... can do all the rolls n everythin... lol... den aft dat raveen ran away for fun, n adriel n i were like trying to find him, and in the end we played catching... haha... so fun... although it woz a bit slippery along the corridors cuz of e rain... almost slipped n fell but thank God i din get another cut on my toe... haha.... den aft dat cycled home wif adriel... cuz of my bag, i had a hard time keepin my balance and almost fell... haha.... den got my pants wet cuz e gel-tech seat covering woz soaked wet... oh well...

wednesday.
today woz also kinda cool... first adriel came over to do some homework, although we din get much done... hehe... adriel spent a long time scrutinising chapter 6 of our science textbook... im sure all of u noe wad chapter dat is rite?? haha... den we went to watch haunted mansion at TM... SOMEONE din wanna skip project to come wif us... *hint hint* we were so bored by ourselves... haha.... woz supposed to catch the 3 o'clock show but we got so caught up in playing LOTR dat it woz 2.45 when we realised dat we were late... haha... so in the end watched the 4.40 show... saw timmy and charmaine at TM... dey were prank calling me... oh well... den we went to watch the movie... adriel saw his couzzies in the cinema... haha... the show woz ok lah... q farnie... lol... den aft dat took train hoime wif adriel.... din do much at home aft dat except play more guitar... haha....

today.
had to wake up at 7.30 to go to some boring history enrichment course at skool today... woz frm 8.30 all the way to 2.30... almost died man... thank God dere woz a 1 hour lunch break in between... so i went to macs at siglap centre wif my frens... so cool... had the free mcflurry offer... haha... den had to run bk cuz we were gg to be late if we din... had to run up 6 storeys... almost died man... lucky my seat woz under a fan... haha... so i practically slept thro the rest of the course n den came home... stupid bus had no air-con and woz so crowded... its like how come dere are so many people in the bus on a SKOOL holiday?? oh well... so came home, n din do much aft dat.... basically slacked ard and packed my bags.... den i jus finished playing LOTR... oh well....

im leaving for phuket tmr morning... hav to leave the house at 7... dat means i hav to wake up at dunno how early man... oh wellz... k, courtesy of those hu dunno, im leaving for phuket from tmr until sundae... my bro's idea... oh well... dat means im gonna miss masterlife and church... oh wellz... dun miss me kay?? haha... k gtg now... my bro's destroying my guitar... bye guyz.


-i dont care what they think about me; its alright, they'll get it one day.... cuz i love you, i'll follow you; you are my life-

HAPPIE B'DAE SELENE!!! hav a relli great n super birthday!!! haha... God Bless... (",)

oh wellz... im so tired n shacked... yest woz fun... first went church... kinda cool, den aft service n everythin went to judah where sam gave me more tips on the 7th-fingering plucking style thingy... i tink im gettin the hang of it... haha...

went wif sam n john to window deli at the pines for lunch... thank God we were clever dis time n din order too much like last time... haha... had fettucine bolognaise and pepperoni pizza... darn nice... den dropped john off at the bus stop so he cld go home n get his clothes.. went to sam's hse to play a bit of guitar... sam fell asleep and i used the com... first played medal of honour:spearhead assault or smth liddat... the enemy so good one... the mouse sensitivity a bit low.. haha... den played cs... got sick of playing wif hackers so i challenged dis guy one-on-one kinfewar... din noe he woz DAT lousy... no wonder he woz in a map on his own... haha... den quitted cuz i woz thrashing him like crazy n played dis funny star wars: kinghts of the old republic game... kinda wierd... i expected it to be a first person shooter but turned out to be a role-playing game... din now how to play at all... den john came to sam's hse, n joined me... den sam woke up n showed me how to play it n all his funny super-powerful characters n everything... haha... kinda cool...

den went to deb's hse... we were late... but she told us to go at 5 rite? n sam only jus woke up wad... haha... den aft dat it woz fun to see ppl gettin pushed into the pool, only to hav myself THROWN into the pool... why am i always the one who gets the nicest entry into the pool? oh wellz... den played water polo... my cramps were relli killin me so i cldnt relli play well... abby i told u i woz better den u... haha... den fought wif stefan over sitting on the ledge of the jaccuzi or however u spell it... den darius n john joined in n started to pull off my pants... sigh.... den aft dat we lost like crazy cuz our star player (me) woz down... haha... im jokin k?? lol... went to eat dinner where sam stole my food... den i gave him some of mine... which he din want, of course... den i told auntie linda how bad her son woz by not finishin his food... haha... den we had a crazy "push ppl into the pool" time... i tink my shirt grew two sizes bigger cuz u horrigible terrigible people kept pullin it... haha... den sam n i tried the "walk on water thing which unfortunately failed... oh well.. its only rhe prototype... haha... we were darn crap lar... lol... den went to bathe, n purposely took my time to shower jus to irritate zhao ming hu woz waitin outside.. haha... went to play drums... im good kay... haha... den everyone din let me play... pushed me away from both the guitar and the drums.. so bad... haha... den aft dat when i woz leavin everyone purposely din say bye to me... so bad... haha...

den dropped kor at the cinema place where he woz gg to meet his frens... he woz almost late... lol... den went home to sleep....

woke up at 11.45 today... kor accidentally took my toothbrush to camp so i opened a new one... haha... its time i got a new one anyway... lol... den ate 'hunny-b' cereal... looked super nice from the box but turned out to be so-so lah... den went to my room n did a teeny weeny bit of homework... den listened to my two new cds n plucked accompliments to it... im gettin better at playin lead mannz... haha... still tryin to figure out the chords for the sliding on the song everything to me by planet shakers in their new album "my king".. haha... i tink i almost gottit... lol... oh well...

den ate a relli heavy lunch... first woz pasta, which woz super super nice... den ate pineapple rice...also super nice... almost ate chicken curry too but my mum stopped me... sigh... den i basically slacked the whole day thro... only went cycling wif stefan in the evening... adriel u were still sleeping... haha... cycled ard... den saw some scouts, n stefan went "squad:sedia!!" darn funny... i woz like laughing like crazy n almost fell off my bike... haha... den jus came home... blogging now... actually dats kinda duh rite? oops... haha... kk... going to play LOTR now... haha... bye guyz...

-one way, Jesus, your the only one that i could live for...- ("one way" by united live)

everything's going wrong rite? n i cant take it anymore rite? which is why i've decided to try to look on the brite side of life now... although i hav to say dat its gonna be super hard, which is wad happened to me a few days ago... sigh... but wtvr lah...

the last few days were kinda boring... it woz jus skool n den go home n nothing else... but yest woz kinda cool lah.... skool woz boring as usual, den went to vjc to run n take my 400m timing... did stretching n stuff... den ran my 400m... did it in 73secs... it woz like super slow lor... i woz expectin to do at least sub-72... so sad... but mebbe its cuz i wasnt wearing spikes lah.. den aft dat woz so tired n somemore the sun woz so hot... almost fainted or smth... i relli need to increase my striding on the straights... sigh... liddat how to compete in sports day? mebbe get thro e 1st heats but aft dat sure die one... oh wellz... i tink i jus got short legs lah... sigh... well den aft dat jus messed ard lah... ran 300m,120m,100m, blah blah blah... but of course wasnt on top form for those events lah... cuz already ran my 400m mah... well aft dat went to aljunied mrt to meet bern n charmaine.... went to ac... were almost late... haha.... centrestage woz kinda cool lah... but i woz relli tired n almost fell asleep during one of the plays... haha... den went home aft the thingy... woz super hungry... only ate ice kachang for lunch at vjc n had no time to eat dinna cuz i woz rushing to ac... oh well... den i jus ate den fell asleep... haha... din even hav time to play guitar... sigh...

my fren jus helped me burn the new united live cd 'more than life' and the new planet shakers cd 'my king'... relli kewl... anyone want? haha...

-thnx for being so great to me... you relli rawk... totally.-

life sux. totally. everything's going wrong all of a sudden again... im sorry for everything i've done... sorry.

"perfect' by simple plan

Hey dad look at me.
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time...
Doing things I wanna do
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

-dont go away from me. please. i dont know what im gonna do without you. sorry.-

bored once more... yvette n her fren's at her room playin now... all dat giggling... argh... but wtvr... im hungry... havent eaten lunch yet... oh wellz.... had trg yest... so tired... 1st i woz late for it cuz i had to confirm my eng. marks wif my tchr... den by the time i reached the centre dey were abt to launch... so i quikly changed n den rushed thro my rigging... den launched... woz already so shakced n tired by then.... an 18-knot wind out at sea din help... neither did my coach bringing us out past 2km help... oh well... killed my self jumping ard the boat doing tacks... cut my heel AGAIN... oh well... did a number of good starts n some nice rolls tacks though... im proud of myself... haha... ltr got masterlife... gonna play electric guut... good luck to me man... im not good at playing lead at all... oh well.. i'll do my best... mebbe turm down my volume or smth... haha... well, cya guyz dere... byez...

-in the morning, i cant stop praising your name, in the evening, i cant stop praising your name......-

hey... adriel wanted to blog once more.. oh well... jus put up 'the eleventh hour' by jars of clay.. haha.. sigh... failed my maths test... darn sad now... stupid sickness... now its affected both my lit n maths results... argh... oh well... went church to jam today wif abby n adriel... abby had to leave early... den left me n adriel... played like crazy... haha... n i put on mega distortion... haha... reflector woz fun, but i tink my best friend woz even nicer... haha.... relli fun... i tink adriel's improvin relli well.... soon we can hav a musketeer's band... haha... finally... lol... oh well.. gotta go do my history project now... some dumb thing abt finding something historic abt singapore that happened on yr b'dae... i found liao... works on building the MRT line started 22nd Oct 1983... but someting even more important happened on 22nd Oct 1990.... jake woz born!!! haha... joking.... well, gotta type it out now... hav to hand up tmr... bye guyz...

-fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer... ...-

`bored`
kae im back... super bored now... nth happened much durin dis two days... monday woz the usual boring day, jus dat i went to zhao ming's house for a while to collect the electric dat josh lent me n zhao ming to share... den spent the whole day figuring n practicing the lead for blessed... i tink i gottit already lah... haha... today woz boring too... jus dat i got back my mother tongue results... 49/90... not bad lah... haha... considering i didn't study... more den half my class failed.... the highest woz only 69/90.... im convinced dat my teacher stinx... y izzit dat all the pther classes are getting like 60/90, 70/90, 80/90? its cuz my teacher stinx... my whole class thinks the same way too... shes so boring!! fell asleep more than twice during every lesson until my fren woke me up again... oh well... looks like im gonna hav to study more if i wanna do well for my chinese... argh.... oh well... so bored now... jus finished my art... looks relli horrible n everything... but wad the heck lar... cant be bothered... haha... well, so bored now... gonna go n play guitar... bye guyz....

-dun worry i believe you k? i noe u din do it... dun worry...-